swiss miss and her mammals

It is 12:08 am and I'm sitting here in the living room trying to convince Ezra to go to sleep. Right now he is rolling around the floor babbling processing  the events of the day. Just a minute ago I held him in my arms his chubby cheek pressed against mine, his little fingers holding me tight. Slowly rocking back and forth in the recliner enjoying the quietness of the night just him and me. Yes I am tired but tonight that doesn't  matter all that is on my mind is that sweet baby and how what feels like just a glimpse of a second ago he was this little newborn that needed me every minute every day, and now he is mobile rolling wherever he wants to go, he has gotten pretty good at showing me what he wants, he eats solids and the snuggles have gotten fewer since now he is constantly  on the move. Tonight I will cherish the snuggles  and enjoy the quietness...Tonight I'm wishing on a star wanting him to stay little, needing him to not loose that look of complete admirat...

Today was one of the days that mommy guilt completely overwhelmed me. It's something I haven't thought about before having a baby and didn't expect to have to deal with. It all started when Ezra was born. I was planning on a natural birth with minimal intervention. I was getting induced since I had gestational diabetes but was still committed to keep things as natural as possible. Well things didn't go quiet as planned. I ended up getting an epidural since I was already in labor for a few hours and had very strong contractions with very short breaks in between. I had trouble breathing and was throwing up a lot and since I had only progressed to 1.5 cm till then I opted for the epidural. After 2 hours of pushing I agreed to using the vacuum to try and get him out and after that failed Ezra's heart rate dropped and they had to get him out fast after all that pushing it was pretty devastating to get a c-section. For days after that I felt guilty and still do sometimes...

I'm a someone that likes to constantly work on myself and try to improve myself and I achieve that best by setting goals. I have set a few for this year and a lot of them are very long-term goals that require some good financial back up. I would like to start online school by the beginning of next year and get my masters done but I have to start all over since none of my schooling from switzerland will transfer- that is a long shot from now so I will take this step by step. My a little bit more in reach goal is to get in shape tj and I are starting a low carb diet and I want to start running and doing pilates again. I LOVE LOVE LOVE  pilates besides riding horses and snowboarding it's one of the few fitness tools that is a lot of fun to me and it makes me feel amazing and so in controll of my body. I also want to start my own online shop for baby quilts since I love making them and it's something I can do for myself during naptime they don't take too long to make and ...

This past saturday poor ezra got sick. My brother in law jesse had the flu the beginning of last week and we tried to be out of the house as much as possible so we wouldn't catch it. Sadly it didn't work. Ezra woke up cranky and was feeling pretty hot by 10. We took his temp and it was at a 100.1. I called my sister in law bethany who is  a doctor and she advised me to go ahead and take him in to get tested for influenza. Since ezra isn't quiet 6 months yet he hasn't gotten the flu shot and it can be pretty crucial for a little guy like him. We went to bethany's office (my old pediatrician jessica works there) and dr. Larsen was working the saturday shift. By then ezra's fever had gone up tp 101.4 and he was super miserable. It broke my heart to see him so uncomfortable.  He did test positive for influenza so the Dr fixed us up with some meds and we gave ezra some Tylenol to keep the fever down. His fever continued to climb to 103.6 and I started to get super wo...